When is the right age for kids to use social media? Do they even need to be on it? Will they become social outcasts if they aren’t? Should parents listen in on their conversations? Are parental restraints effective?
It’s not the easiest thing dealing with social media as a parent, let alone as a child. The majority of American youths still use social media by default; according to the Pew Research Center, 58% of teens use TikTok every day, with 17% saying they use it nearly constantly.
Also, about half of them use Snapchat and Instagram on a daily basis, with 14% and 8% of them using each nearly constantly, respectively.
The impact of social media usage on young people is increasingly becoming a source of concern for parents and even some young people as well.
Lawmakers have scheduled several hearings on the topic of kid safety on the internet. However, legislation and company regulations take time, even in the seeming bipartisan unanimity. No regulations have been passed thus far.
In the interim, what are parents and teenagers expected to do? Here are some guidelines for social media safety, communication, and limit-setting for both parents and children.
Is age 13 appropriate?
In theory, there is already a law—the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act—that forbids children under 13 from visiting websites that target them without parental permission. It was put into force in 2000—before the current generation of teens was even born.
The intention was to safeguard children’s online privacy by, among other things, mandating that websites and online services provide explicit privacy rules and obtain parental approval before collecting personal data of their children. Social media platforms have often prohibited children under the age of 13 from using their services in order to comply.
However, concerns about children using the internet are no longer limited to online privacy. Bullying, harassment, the possibility of eating disorders, thoughts of suicide, or worse, are all present.
Parents, educators, and tech experts have long advocated delaying the giving of smartphones and social media access to children until they are older. One such initiative is the “Wait Until 8th” pledge, which asks parents to promise not to give their children a smartphone until the eighth grade, or around the age of 13 or 14. Others wait until much later—16 or 17 years old.
However, neither the government nor social media platforms have taken any significant action to raise the age restriction.
Shouldn’t parents do the needful, if the government is being lethargic?
According to Christine Elgersma, a social media expert at Common Sense Media, a nonprofit organization, “There is not necessarily a magical age.” But also pointed out, “13 is probably not the best age for kids to get on social media.”
The restrictions that are presently being suggested include outright prohibitions of social media use by anyone under the age of 13. The challenge with it? Well, when someone registers for an app or uses an online service, it is difficult to confirm their age. Also, the majority of today’s teen-friendly apps were first designed with adults in mind.
Elgersma pointed out that while various protections have been implemented by companies over time, these have been piecemeal additions rather than comprehensive overhauls of the platforms.
She stated, “Developers should start creating apps with children in mind.”
Some executives of tech firms, well-known people like Jennifer Garner, and parents from all walks of life have chosen to completely prohibit their children from using social media. Although the choice is a personal one that each parent and child must make, some experts worry that it might result in children being excluded from activities and conversations with peers that happen on social media or chat services.
Another challenge: children who have never used social media may find it difficult to use the sites when they suddenly receive unrestricted access on the day they turn 18.
Experts suggest that a methodical and gradual introduction to social media that equips kids with the knowledge and skills necessary to manage a world where platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok are nearly unavoidable is a more pragmatic and successful approach to social media education.
Natalie Bazarova, a communications professor and the head of the Cornell Social Media Lab, stated that it is unrealistic to assume that children will automatically become proficient in social media usage. “They must receive instruction,”
Start sooner than you may have anticipated. Before the kids are mature enough to use the internet, Elgersma advises parents to look through their own social media accounts with them and have candid conversations about what they see. If a friend of a friend asked them to submit a picture, how would your child respond? Or perhaps they come onto an item that so enrages them that they feel compelled to share it immediately?
“Asking about what their friends are doing or just not asking direct questions like, ‘What are you doing on Instagram?’ but rather, ‘Hey, I heard this influencer is really popular,'” is how Elgersma suggests approaching older children.
When your child has been scrolling for a while, avoid saying things like, “Turn that thing off!” advises Jean Rogers, the director of the group Fairplay’s Screen Time Action Network.
“That’s not respectful,” Rogers stated. “It doesn’t respect that they have a whole life and a whole world in that device.”
Rogers advises instead of questioning people about their phone usage and seeing what information they are prepared to share.
According to Elgersma, children are also likely to react when parents and teachers “pull back the curtains” on social media and the occasionally sneaky tactics enterprises use to keep people online and active. See a documentary on the dopamine feedback cycles, dark patterns, and algorithms of social media like “The Social Dilemma.”
Or discuss how Facebook and TikTok generate revenue with them.
She noted, “Kids love to be informed about these things, and it will give them a sense of power.”
There should be limits.
According to Rogers, most parents find that removing their children’s phones overnight helps to reduce their screen time. Kids may try to steal the phone back from you from time to time, but it’s a tactic that usually works since they need a break from screens.
According to Rogers, “They need to come up with an excuse with their peers to not be on their phones at night. “They can blame their parents.”
Parents could require their own phone usage restrictions. According to Rogers, it’s beneficial to clarify your actions to your kids when you do use a phone so they know you’re not just idly browsing through social media platforms like Instagram.
To help your kids realize that you’re not on there for pleasure, let them know whether you’re searching for a recipe for supper, checking work-related emails, or making a bill payment.
Then let them know when you intend to stop.
The need for parental control.
As the criticism around child safety on social media sites that target children has grown, these platforms have implemented an ever-expanding range of parental restrictions. For example, Meta released parental control features last year that enable parents to monitor how much time their minor spends on Instagram, set time limits, and see who their child follows or is followed by. However, parents are unable to view the content of messages.
However, just with comparable tools on other sites like TikTok, kids and parents must consent to use the function, which is optional. Instagram encourages teenagers to allow their parents “supervise” their account by sending them a message when they block someone, with the goal of persuading them toward consenting to the guidelines. The goal is to capture children’s interest at a time when they may be more receptive to parental guidance.
According to Meta, by making the function optional, it hopes to “balance teen safety and autonomy” and encourage dialogue between parents and their kids.
Families where the parents are already active in their children’s internet activities and lives may find these tools helpful. That’s not the reality for many people, according to experts.
The rapidly advancing technology that “fundamentally changes how their kids think about themselves, how they build friendships, how they experience the world — and technology, by the way, that prior generations never had to manage” was criticized by U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy last year as being unfair to expect parents to monitor what their children do with it.
He declared that it “just simply is not fair” to place all of it on parents.
But then, as challenging a task as it may seem, the fact still remains that the welfare and wellbeing of their children should always be the primary concern of parents.
